We might take for granted the rights that we have when we are not faced with an ex challenging our parenting style. Take a look at this video clip from the movie “Fences” and comment below.

Dialogue[edit]

Cory..: How come you ain’t never liked me?
Troy: Like you? Who the hell said I got to like you? What law is there say I got to like you? Wanna stand up in front of my face and ask a damn fool-ass question like that, talkin’ ’bout likin’ somebody? Come here, boy, when I talk to you. Straighten up, goddammit. I asked you a question: what law is there say I got to like you?
Cory: None.
Troy: All right then. Don’t you eat every day? Answer me when I talk to you! Don’t you eat every day?
Cory: Yeah…
Troy: Nigga, as long as you’re in my house you put a “Sir” on the end of it when you talk to me.
Cory: Yes, Sir.
Troy: You eat every day?
Cory: Yes, Sir.
Troy: You got a roof over you head?
Cory: Yes, Sir.
Troy: Got clothes on your back?
Cory: Yes, Sir.
Troy: Why you think that is?
Cory: ‘Cause of you?
Troy[chuckles] Hell, I know it’s ’cause of me. But why do you think that is?
Cory: ‘Cause you like me?
Troy: Like you? I go outta here every morning, I bust my butt, puttin’ up with them crackers every day, ’cause I like you? You’re about the biggest fool I ever saw. It’s my job. It’s my responsibility. A man is supposed to take care of his family. You live in my house, feed your belly with my food, put your behind on my bed because you’re my son, not ’cause I like you. ‘Cause it’s my duty to take care of you, I owe a responsibility to you. Now let’s get this straight right here and now before we go along any further: I ain’t got to like you! Mr. Rand don’t gimme my money come payday ’cause he like me, he give it to me ’cause he owe me! Now I done give you everything I got to give you! I give you your life! Me and your Mama worked that out between us and liking your black ass wasn’t part of the bargain! Now don’t you go through life worryin’ about whether somebody like you or not! You best be makin’ sure they’re doin’ right by you! You understand what I’m sayin’?
Cory: Yes, Sir.
Troy: Then get the hell outta my face, and get on down to that A&P!

What do you do when your parenting style is not favored by the other parent?

 

What do you do when the other parent doesn’t parent how you want them to parent?

 

Is your ex using the family court to get their way?

Panic might set in when you are faced with the idea that the judge is going to pick the parent that has the favored parenting style.

That’s the promise that you or your ex is given when they go see an attorney who uses the traditional approach to parenting disagreements. Their solution is to file a child custody modification so that you can ask the court to give you control.

Would you use an app that uses AI to send an inflammatory message to your judge?

The co-parenter app is an app that works similar to Our Family Wizard with some additional features. It has a button where you can get a mediator 24/7 to help you resolve a dispute with your ex and another button where you can find an attorney. The mediators are trained by a retired judge who helped develop the app. This app uses AI to read your messages and alert you when you are going to send a message that has bad words or name calling in it and could be potentially inflammatory. If you opt to send the message anyway and override the alert, the app can send the message to your judge or attorney or other third party.

The coParenter app claims that it helps parents resolve differences that rightfully shouldn’t be in front of the court and can keep high-conflict parents out of court most of the time. We agree that most of the complaints presented to the court, the court has no business getting involved in. We just disagree with the solution. However, it is very helpful to have an app that will remind you about the things the courts and others might try to use against you.

“coParenter is a mission-driven social venture that promotes the well-being of children. We do this by providing education, tools, and technology to help parents communicate, optimize their coParenting skills, and make better, more informed, child-centric decisions for their kids.”

One of the app developers did an interview with an attorney. This attorney admits that the court is going to use your parenting decisions against you. All of his argument you can sum up as viewpoint, his viewpoint, the judge’s viewpoint, anybody but yours. Then the host of the show states that the Special Master is asking the parent to look at things not just from the legal standpoint, “Instead of looking at the legal right that you or the co-parent may have in that state or in the other state, let’s look at it from the context of the child. What is the kid going through when they are going back and forth. How does this impact their existence and their ability to thrive later in life.” And he goes on to say that “there’s lots of research that they can look to” but doesn’t go into that. But says that a Special Master can bring a lot of that knowledge in shorthand.

 

The problem with this approach is that it ignores the very rights that give you the right to choose how you want to parent, not how they want you to parent, your rights give you the right to not be subject to other people’s opinion of your parenting style. Your rights protect you from being punished for making parenting decisions that are not favored but lawful. Most people in the legal field who use the traditional arguments treat parental rights like they are the plague. They have labeled parental rights like they label dads as deadbeat dads. I’ve even read that some believe that parental rights encourage the violation of the child’s rights. And that is from attorneys who call themselves constitutional scholars!

While it is nice to have an app that is going to help you communicate more nicely, perhaps you are wanting to hold to your parenting decisions and perhaps you should not have to be bullied to give in to the other parent or be threatened that the judge is not going to see it your way anyway. But you would have to learn your rights to know this, wouldn’t you.