Today I’m going to share with you some painful reminders as well as the four stages of Parental Alienation.
You’re a parent and you go to pick up your child for your visitation time, and you end up driving all the way back in rush hour traffic with an empty car. No child again.
Or you have a meeting place and you show up and wait, here he comes drives up, you can see your child waiting to get out, when he turns around and drives off with your child. Once again, no child.
Or how about this, your ex brings the children over to your house, she gets into a disagreement says she isn’t going to give you the kids, you call the police, and they say there is nothing they can do, and you watch her drive away with the children.
How much more of this can you take?
I don’t know if others realize just how difficult it is to keep showing up and facing this disappointment. But the law says that you have to show up and try to get your children to get relief. It is painful but you believe there is an end to this madness. Little do you know that it is going to get much worse and way more painful.
Let’s take a look at the Parental Alienation Business Model so that you know what you are dealing with. Only then can we begin once you understand this: (In the video we only go over part of the formula, the complete formula is here:
This line symbolizes each parent divided in half plus their attorney (P/2 + A) + the Court (C) Plus the court process (X) which is how you get to the first Court Temporary Order (CTO)
(P/2 + A) + (P/2 + A) + C + X = CTO
They are taking advantage of your love for your child. As if it isn’t bad enough that you are going through some of your hardest times trying to re-establish a routine as a single individual again but to also get abused by the government state actors too!
And then to see the effect that it has on your children can really push many over the edge.
It doesn’t take long for all of this to rub off on the attitude of your child. They start to think of you as a nuisance, disruption, as a source of your stress.
It is painful to know that once your child was open and loved to share with you and now you are less than a neighbor or a stranger, yet you continue because it is your child and you know that they need you, even if they don’t know this right now.
Talking about the painful stuff also stirs your own painful wounds. And it isn’t just pain you feel, It is the shock, the disappointment, the reminders your court system is crap, and that the courts took advantage of your children worse than your ex ever could have. It’s a very scare prospect. A very scary thing.
And you don’t even want to believe it either, right. You think that it was a fluke and that your ex was just tricky that time, but that the next time, the court will see it. And then you go to court again and again and again, and it sinks in that the courts are thriving off of this. But what now?
So you think maybe the police will help you. Yes, you have a crap order but you are going to make the best of your time. And then the police let you down too. Tell you it’s a civil matter and to go back to court.
You go to the D.A. and tell them that it’s a felony for your ex not to give you your children. That doesn’t matter. Nothing seems to matter anymore, and eventually it feels like you don’t matter either. You lose support of others and you really cannot think of much other than trying to figure out how to get your children back. You feel more vulnerable than you ever did in your relationship, and may even at times wish that you were still in that terrible relationship. If you had only known that it could get this bad, that this could even happen. Most parents don’t even know that this is a thing.
This is what we call Court-Induced Parental Alienation. Your ex really could not have done this without the assistance of the court and the ambivalence of the police and district attorney.
So what has happened here?
The reason we have this problem today, court-induced parental alienation, is that we have forgotten this source and parents and children no longer enjoy the protections that these rights provide.
The reason that this started and continues today is because there has been no cohesive understanding of where the rights come from and how they are to be applied.
Just recently, the American Bar Association Delegates passed a resolution on August 26, 2019 actually and they admitted that they only had policies to protect the rights of children and not to protect the family integrity and family unity – in other words the right of the child to be with their parent — that means each of their parent’s. They don’t go quite that far in this ABA resolution, but we will get you there. Obviously if you rely on those trained by the BAR you know now that their policies are behind and severely lacking the proper protections necessary for preventing child separations from their families. They do address foster care and CPS, and we aren’t covering that in this FB live today. But it too is a very important part of how the court’s and your ex are able to alienate you from your child so effectively and shockingly.
You have a constitutional right to parent your child and your child has a constitutional right to be parented by you.
You have suffered a significant injury, you are grieving over a forced loss. What is a forced loss. Well, when you lose a loved one through an Act of God you get societal support and you know the stages of grieving and the memory of your loss subsides over time and you are able to heal.
But when you suffer a forced loss caused by humans, through lying, trickery, bullying, ridiculing, scheming, and intimidation to weaken you and then kick you once again and then punish you with loss of your child, there is no support system, no ritual for grieving losses forced on you through the legal system. In fact people usually tell you to just get over it and move on, right?
How many of you have experienced that?
You have experienced a predatory legal system. You have suffered shock.
I have Holly Dresson here today because she wrote a poem today that reminded me of the parenting benefits that are stolen from our children. It’s not just the missed birthdays and the missed activities at school, it goes much deeper than that. Holly couldn’t be here right now, so let’s thank her in advance for sharing her pain so that others can heal. I’m going to read her poem to you now. It might get a little difficult for me because every time I talk or think about what all of you are going through I hurt all over again, but I’m hurting even more now because it is all of your hurt compounded – it’s not that me and my children are not reconnected, it’s the pain of knowing that all of you are still going through it and that I have not achieved my mission yet and ended that painful process. That is what we are working on every day and I’m so glad that you could join me. So here goes. This poem is called:
I’m That Mom ?
I’m that mom
That reminds you to not only brush your teeth, but to floss too
I’m that mom
That sneaks spinach into homemade chicken nuggets
I’m that mom
That texts you encouraging memes
I’m that mom
That sends you other people’s videos on subjects we’ve discussed, because I know how important 3rd party validation is
I’m that mom
That makes sacrifices so you don’t have to
I’m that mom
That made a family tradition of walking before and after our Thanksgiving meal
(I pray to do that with you this year)
I’m that mom
That prays for your safety when I’m not around
I’m that mom
That writes 143 on your napkin for lunch
I’m that mom
That is not only your biggest cheerleader, but the loudest
I’m that mom
That has made some mistakes along the way
I’m that mom
That tries everyday to be better than I was the day before
I’m that mom
That has taught you how to stand up for yourself
I’m that mom
That dreams what most say are impossible dreams
I’m that mom
That’s been alienated from you
I’m that mom
That is never ever going to give up
I’m that mom
#PauseReflectMoveForward
#ParentalAlienation
Join me tomorrow as I cover another parental alienation topic with you as we inch closer to the two workshops happening this weekend. I hope that you will continue your journey with us towards justice and healing.
Join me as we support parents teaching parents. Monica has a workshop on Saturday, it’s called “Be the Lighthouse” and will teach you how to stay connected with your child even when you cannot talk to or see your child and then I will follow with a workshop on Sunday, called Court-Induced Parental Alienation for those of you who want to learn about changing the policies that are allowing the separation of parent and child, and to learn about parental alienation lawsuits.
Monica’s Workshop Saturday
Sherry’s Workshop Sunday
While you are waiting for these workshops, I recommend that you listen to Kimberly Jones Pothier’s sermon here:
She says it how it is and talks about getting free and truly forgiving yourself. She admits that she wasn’t always the best mom
and she used to wish her ex ill will.
(CORRECTION NOTE: During the video when I explained the formula, at the very end I said the last C was (ongoing court process), it was not, LOL, I messed up my own formula when I spoke — it actually stood for Counseling. So the last line of the formula is CFO + RT + SV + C = PA Stage 3.)
