Is Staying in an Abusive Relationship Causing Your Children to Get Bullied?

by | Sep 26, 2019

Are you living in abuse and don’t have the motivation to get out, but you know you should?

Have you wondered why your children are not standing up to the bullies at school even though you’ve given them several pep talks to help them do so? Perhaps you are not setting the example and you are allowing the bully in your home to continue to abuse YOU! Holly Dresson came to this realization nine months ago.

She realized that her children were not standing up for themselves because she was not setting a good example. Now she is. However, her journey is painful and difficult and she hasn’t seen her two youngest children in over nine months.

LEAVING YOUR SPOUSE

If you and your spouse are not making each other better versions of yourselves, it may be time to end that relationship.

Working on a relationship is painful, so is leaving.

If the two of you cannot work it out, grow through it, and evolve, it’s time to get out.

CHANGE YOUR ENVIRONMENT

If you have been married for a long period of time, like Holly was, 29 years, you may not even recognize the abuse until you change your environment. She was surprised when someone told her that she was valuable and capable. She wasn’t hearing that at home and didn’t realize that her self-esteem had been suffering.

It won’t be until you get away from the negative that you realize there is the positive.

“If you think you can’t you won’t” says Holly. She says that it’s not that you cannot do something, you are just refusing to do it.

GET OVER YOUR EX

After Holly left, she had difficulty getting over her ex. This is common actually, especially for someone living in an abusive relationship. They very often go back multiple times before they leave for good. And in some situations you may not get another chance to leave. There are many sad stories of those who didn’t get out on time.

Not all situations are dangerous, just constantly negative and demeaning. And those situations don’t allow you to be your best self and grow. This is not a good example for your children.

LEAVING YOUR CHILDREN

Sometimes a parent has to leave their children in order to get whole again and to set that good example for the children. I remember the first time I was exposed to a mother leaving her children was on the movie Kramer v. Kramer. Not all exes welcome you back into your children’s lives though.

Society frowns on mothers walking away. Most of them do not understand that you may not have been around to change your life if you had stayed and they may not understand that your children were not in any danger being left behind with the other parent. So not only do you have to tackle the negative talk in your head that you may have heard for 29 years and overcome that, but you will have to overcome judgment from everyone you meet, and scorn and anger from your children. Holly has not seen her children for 248 days and she faces parental alienation. The last time she saw her children they shut the door in her face. Holly is a poet and she writes about her experiences, leaving a living legacy for her children so that when they are ready they will find the mother they never knew.

There was a time Holly said when she “Prayed more than I wanted to breathe,” but says that her two older children are proud of her for taking the steps to leave and improve her life so that she is the person she wants to be and her children have a great example!

Holly is the author of “30 Days and 30 Mics” and “My Bipolar Brain.”

Watch Holly tell you herself in this interview:

Leaving abuse is difficult. Leaving your children is even more difficult.
 
We get it, we don’t judge you for the choices you have to make.
 
In fact, improving your life can improve your children’s lives.
 
As long as they are with a responsible adult, regardless of whether the two of you were good together, you are making the choices that are right for you at the time.
 
There is a lot to deal with when you go through something like this. Holly is an inspiring story for those of you going through this. She is living her authenticate self and working through the challenges that she is having to endure to get there.
If you are on the fence and trying to decide whether you should leave and afraid of being alienated from your children, reach out to others who have been through it and can help you with learning tools to design the communications towards leaving breadcrumbs for your children to find their way back to you.
 
#authenticateSELF